You're Havin' A Laugh

Q. What do you call a Muslim with a slice of ham on his head?
A. Hamed.

Q. What about a Muslim with 2 slices of ham on his head?
A. Mohammed

Last week, a Muslim woman was seen shoplifting. She was caught on camera. Police are looking for a woman with dark eyes.

Q. How do you separate a Muslim man from a Muslim boy?
A. With a crowbar.

A Muslim woman was walking past this building site in Mecca when a group of Muslim builders shouted, "Show us your face."

An advertisement in a local UK paper: "4 Talibans required as mudflaps. Must be flexible and willing to travel."

Q. How do you save a drowning Jihadist?
A. You don't.

Now. The above jokes will be perceived as offensive to muslims by many muslims and many liberals in western society.

The reason for that is quite simple.

They haven't got a sense of humour.

I have.

Q. Why do Welshmen wear wellingtons?
A. To stop the sheep running away

I will now undoubtedly be issued with a Welsh fatwah....

How's About That Then?

Soon to be formerly 'Sir' Jimmy Saville - late of this world - was something of an icon.

It has now become clear he was also something of a pervert praying on vulnerable young people.

Sometimes it's really hard to maintain any faith in humanity isn't it?

Clearly Zimbabwe's Mugabe is an evil dictator responsible for thousands of deaths - but he's in Zimbabwe.

The nutters running in North Korea are clearly insane but they're in North Korea.

Saddam was mad as a hatter and conducted genocide when he was alive, but that was Iraq.

Gaddaffi the same but that was Libya.

I've reached the point where I really couldn't give a monkeys anymore about some despot in some other country murdering their own people.

I'm becoming very analy retentive about my own country.

I wish the bloody place and the bloody people would just stop being so bloody dissapointing.

And I really really would like the BBC to stop putting every ethnic group conceivable before the cameras to read the news.

Let's get this straight.

We are predominantly a white Christian country with other races/creeds/colours and religions living here.

That's the way it works.

I have no issue with an African looking chap reading the news to me, nor an Asian chap - or indeed a woman of some other race/creed or colour.

My problem is that people of that ilk seem to be the majority in news reading terms.

Stop it BBC.

I and MY ilk are the majority and we're getting fed up of this multi-cultural/racial/religious bollocks.

OUR country OUR ways....everyone else fits in or fucks off.

Oh I'm such a fascist I am.....;-)

Breed

I have a friend....he is a reformed muslim....well...he has given up being muslim so 'reformed' is my way of looking at it. I think he still prays and stuff...but he does it alone at home.

He used to be quite commited to Islam - which suggested to me he should have been commited to the nearest asylum...but as he is my friend I didn't call the men in white coats.

He used to go to a mosque to pray - well, several actually. He kept quitting mosques and moving to others.

I asked him why?

He said "Every mosque I go to starts out friendly and a nice place to be but, eventually, somebody starts slagging off Britain and the West and I don't like it. I live here. Why would I live here if it was so awful? I get tired of all this and go elsewhere....then it starts there too eventually"

I asked him whether he's happy now he isn't going to any mosque.

"I'll have children when I want to!" he said enigmatically.

"Pardon?" I asked

"You see" he answered, "the latest thing is breeding. Imam's and others are telling us we have to have as many children as possible"

"Why?" I asked

"Because the aim of Islam is to dominate the globe....the world...and they are worried it may never happen through immigration so they want muslims to breed their way to the majority. It may take 30, 50 or a hundred years but that is what they want"

"You ARE kidding right?" I asked

"I wish I was" he said.

You little breeders!!! You really believe we would ever allow you to breed your way to an Islamic state in Britain?

Well....we are being warned....from the inside too sometimes.

So? What are we going to do about it then?

Red Ed, Call Me Dave And The Other One

Red Ed Milliband is the Leader of The Labour Party. Once upon a time this party pretended to be the political party of 'the working man'...although these days I suppose you should say 'working person'. Either way it is bullshit. Red Ed also looks like a living breathing Muppet version of himself...which is impressive on a certain level...

Call Me Dave Cameron is the current Prime Minister and Leader of The Conservative Party. Very few people have any idea what else he is apart from, I assume, his wife Samantha aka Sam Cam. He may be a good shag...or not...but he is clearly a crap Prime Minister.

The 'other one' is called Nick Clegg. He is Leader of The Liberal Party and he should be as irrelevant as The Liberal Party is but, bizarrely, he isn't.

Nobody with even a modicum of brain cells voted for The Liberals yet they are in government. As part of something called a 'coalition'. I suspect 'a coalition' means a combined number of people/parties (in this case 2) who will try and work together to achieve a common aim.....well...it appears nobody got around to telling our coalition that the definition of what they are doing is something along those lines...

This strange anomaly...The Liberals having any say in anything.... occured because nobody - or at least - insufficient numbers voted for Labour or The Conseratives either.

The reason this occured is because we, the British people, have completely lost faith in OUR democracy.

This loss of faith is entirely down to what is now commonly known as our 'political classes'.

The 'political classes' are our politicians.

They are almost without exception lying, cheating, self opinionated, self aggrandising pieces of shit.

Britain's democracy is under severe threat....it is in severe danger.

We have nobody left to vote for.

A vacuum is occuring.

Vacuum's are invariably filled by something or someone.

Hitler and his Nazi's filled a vacuum in the 1930's.

We live in troubled and troubling times.